It's coming for me.
Without fail.
Make no mistake,
it has been waiting for me.
It starts on the surface of my skin
burns it's way inside.
Every inch of me
cooking.
Were it not my meat
it would smell as sweet.
As painful as the flame is
forgotten with the brake of the first bone.
Pressure builds
I fold
more than I ever thought I could.
I'm dripping now.
Blood, saliva, urine, Sprite
draining out of me.
I still struggle.
I still try.
I can't help it.
I am less myself.
Smaller, dryer, darker, weaker,
alive.
My forces retreat
further and further back
buying time for a relief
that is not to come.
My mind is all that's left now.
I know it won't last.
Motor skills, language, logic, grudges,
color, flavor, bent, straight, love, hate
burning away.
I am less myself.
Little more than grey matter.
I retreat to the last bastion.
The last thing to give in.
The last part to lose hope.
The strongest part of me.
My memory of you.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Nor
This shall be an exploration of the strange similarities between my aunt, Norma, and the fictional character of Nora from Pete's Dragon (1977).
Pete's Dragon is one of the earliest movies I ever remember watching; right up there with Cinderella, Bambi, Spaceballs, and Beverly Hills Cop. But Pete's Dragon stands out because there were so many similarities to my own life. Pete would talk to a Dragon no one else could see. I spoke to an imaginary audience about the things that happened to me through the day. Pete would often answer a question in the most honest and natural way that adults didn't like but that made kids laugh. I was the same way, sometimes I didn't even know what was so funny.
The most direct similarity was the almost parallel existence of Nora and my aunt Norma. Let's get the obvious out of the way. The difference between their names is a single M. They sound almost identical if yelled.
Nora is headstrong. She doesn't hesitate to do what she thinks is right. She will storm into a bar to rescue her father from another binge. She will stand up to a family of criminals she doesn't know to defend an orphan she just met. “You can't have him. You don't love him. Watch out, or I'll take you apart!” Norma is the same way, she does what she thinks is right and deals with everything else later on. I could site several personal examples, but they don't belong to me, so you'll have to take my word for it. Unless you know her, then you'll just agree.
Nora has her work and an elderly father to look after but she still opens her home and offers to adopt Pete so that he can have a permanent home. From my earliest memories I always understood my mother and father were apart (divorced). I stayed with my mother, but she always worked. She would leave me at my grandmother's house, where Norma lives. There were times I stayed there all week long, going from there to school and back. It was my aunt that secured me a saturday class to help with my spelling in english. It was my aunt's church that I attended as a child. I still visit to this day. And while I was not abandoned by my mother, I always felt that I had a second home with Norma.
Both Nora and Norma would frown on a lie, but they will tell few when needed. Nora told a host of lies to the schoolteacher about Pete's non-existing birth certificate and school records to allow Pete's admittance because “he needs an education, education, education.” I don't think Norma would go that far, but on more than one occasion when we didn't have proper change for a bus, she would ask me to duck behind her as she paid her way onto the bus, so that the driver wouldn't notice me.
Norma loves lighthouses. They act as a metaphor of Jesus. He is the light that guides us to safety. Her house is filled with model lighthouses, paintings of lighthouses, I would't be surprised if her desktop background was another lighthouse. Nora lives in a lighthouse. Need I say more? Nora LIVES in a lighthouse.
Both of them are single. Nora's husband-to-be was lost at sea. Nearing the end of the movie we see him sailing for home, braving the storm, looking desperately to the horizon for the light kept burning by the woman he loves. As far as Norma is concerned, I pray she doesn't loose faith, that she keep the fire burning. Maybe, someday, a worthy suitor will see the light, set sail, and brave the deep.
Pete's Dragon is one of the earliest movies I ever remember watching; right up there with Cinderella, Bambi, Spaceballs, and Beverly Hills Cop. But Pete's Dragon stands out because there were so many similarities to my own life. Pete would talk to a Dragon no one else could see. I spoke to an imaginary audience about the things that happened to me through the day. Pete would often answer a question in the most honest and natural way that adults didn't like but that made kids laugh. I was the same way, sometimes I didn't even know what was so funny.
The most direct similarity was the almost parallel existence of Nora and my aunt Norma. Let's get the obvious out of the way. The difference between their names is a single M. They sound almost identical if yelled.
Nora is headstrong. She doesn't hesitate to do what she thinks is right. She will storm into a bar to rescue her father from another binge. She will stand up to a family of criminals she doesn't know to defend an orphan she just met. “You can't have him. You don't love him. Watch out, or I'll take you apart!” Norma is the same way, she does what she thinks is right and deals with everything else later on. I could site several personal examples, but they don't belong to me, so you'll have to take my word for it. Unless you know her, then you'll just agree.
Nora has her work and an elderly father to look after but she still opens her home and offers to adopt Pete so that he can have a permanent home. From my earliest memories I always understood my mother and father were apart (divorced). I stayed with my mother, but she always worked. She would leave me at my grandmother's house, where Norma lives. There were times I stayed there all week long, going from there to school and back. It was my aunt that secured me a saturday class to help with my spelling in english. It was my aunt's church that I attended as a child. I still visit to this day. And while I was not abandoned by my mother, I always felt that I had a second home with Norma.
Both Nora and Norma would frown on a lie, but they will tell few when needed. Nora told a host of lies to the schoolteacher about Pete's non-existing birth certificate and school records to allow Pete's admittance because “he needs an education, education, education.” I don't think Norma would go that far, but on more than one occasion when we didn't have proper change for a bus, she would ask me to duck behind her as she paid her way onto the bus, so that the driver wouldn't notice me.
Norma loves lighthouses. They act as a metaphor of Jesus. He is the light that guides us to safety. Her house is filled with model lighthouses, paintings of lighthouses, I would't be surprised if her desktop background was another lighthouse. Nora lives in a lighthouse. Need I say more? Nora LIVES in a lighthouse.
Both of them are single. Nora's husband-to-be was lost at sea. Nearing the end of the movie we see him sailing for home, braving the storm, looking desperately to the horizon for the light kept burning by the woman he loves. As far as Norma is concerned, I pray she doesn't loose faith, that she keep the fire burning. Maybe, someday, a worthy suitor will see the light, set sail, and brave the deep.
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